I know you all probably read the title to this post and had a thought along the lines of “This chick is off her rocker.” Which might be true but hear me out. I am typing this post from the waiting room of the ICU. My boyfriends uncle is in bad shape so this is where our days will be spent for the time being.
To me there are two types of deaths, sudden death and expected death. I believe that both of these deaths are hard and heartbreaking. Nobody wants to lose anybody forever. Sudden death to me is things like over doses, shootings, car crashes, and other things. Sudden death is a death that takes away young people that nobody is expecting. The type of death that your phone rings and of course you answer but when you hang up you are forever changed. Expected death to me are times that your grandmother has been fighting cancer, or your 90 year old aunt is sitting in a nursing home. Neither of these deaths are easy and I truly don’t think any death can happen and it not change you however; The tragic, sudden, gut wrenching deaths are what I am here to talk about today.
Today marks the three year anniversary of the first tragic death I had to endure. I remember it like it was yesterday August, 19th 2015 I receive a phone call from my good friend when I answered the phone call went a little something like this.
Her: “Hey, DerSean is dead.”
Me: “What? DerSean who?”
Her: “Alberty, he was shot in Pittsburgh.”
Me: “No way, they must have the wrong person let me call you back.”
At this point I had no idea what was going on or what happened so of course I go to social media. The first headline I see is “Sharpsville man shot to death.” Basically from the story what happened was a robbery gone wrong. He had left his house on a normal day drove over an hour away not knowing that he would never return. Long story made short two men attempted to rob him and he ran when he started to run they shot him eleven times in the back. He died running for his life. At one point of my life I had feelings for this man. We dated, and spent a lot of time together.We were young, in high school, and thought the world was ours forever. I let my family come in between us however we always remained friends. He was one of those people that you could do that with. He had a big heart and would do anything for anyone. He took care of his family, his girlfriend, and his daughter. His death hit everyone to the core. They finally sentenced the two men that took his life a few months ago but the relief that was felt wasn’t the relief that was expected. Now we sit here and wonder why people think it’s their right to take another mans life. Now there is a little girl living without her daddy, a mom without her son, and so many people without their friend. The only peace I have is that he has escaped this cruel world and is living his best life in heaven or whatever you believe. I just hope that he can see his daughter grow and accomplish things she is so beautiful and I know he would be proud. Nothing will bring him back but everyday we try living life for him.
The second death was more recent and it hurt more than anything. My dear friend Steven passed away this June and that call was so much shock that I didn’t even feel the hit at first. My very best friend called me and said “did you see Steven died?” Now immediately we went into a conversation about how this couldn’t possibly be true and for anyone that knew Steven he was dramatic and extra every single day of his life. We were over here waiting for him to text or call one of us and say something like “got ya bitches” Or something else crazy. He never did though. He was really gone. This was the type of friend that I called whenever life was less than perfect. We went on day trips to Geneva on the lake, he helped me pack and unpack my stuff when I was having boy problems. Steven helped me fix so many problems and I tried to do the same for him. Steven and I kept so many of each others secrets and we never told a soul. Steven was the type of friend that everyone wanted to have. He was always happy, always helping people, and he was the life of the party. Steven struggled with his own mental health, self identity and drug use. Nobody ever thought Stevie would be taken away from us so soon and his funeral was the hardest one I have had to attend. He looked peaceful and he looked happy. Which sounds odd but man I have ever seen him more at peace with himself than he did at that point. His heart stopped at 22 years old. Cardiac arrest they called it. However, we all know that 22 year old don’t just have hearts that stop, organs that stop, and life that just end. Steven had some dark secrets and that’s okay because I will always remember him as one of the most amazing people I have ever met. I pray he rest in peace. I pray that he found the peace he was always looking for. I pray that he will always send me signs that he is still with me. I know he has a lot of people to watch over but I pray he helps me through the rest of life, because it’s hard without him.
Death is always a hard thing to handle no matter what. At 24 years old I have experienced more of it than I ever thought possible. Everyday I try to live for the people who never got the chance to see tomorrow. These people may be gone but I will forever hold them in my heart.
Thank you for reading and sharing in my journey.
Kindly Kathryn 
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