Here’s to being a Goal Digger!

Hi all, I have had the opportunity to sit down and really look life in the face the last few days. I started asking myself questions like: “What do I want to do with my life?” “Can I find a career that I actually enjoy?” “What is it going to take to be the women I want to be?” and most importantly “What is it going to take to accomplish all of the above?”

For those of you who may not know I am currently a pharmacy technician. I have been in the field of pharmacy for a little over three years. I really do enjoy a lot of aspects of my job. It’s fast paced, there is always something new to learn, and most of all I love that I am helping people. However, I find myself thinking bigger all of the time.

When I graduated high school I had my eyes set on being a nurse. Got accepted into school, went on a tour, and had one person tell me that were not sure that I could do it. So, I didn’t. I got into another school and wanted to be a physical therapist assistant. I was eighteen and college was new to me. Couple weeks in it got hard and again the same person told me they didn’t think I could complete it so the next day I went in and changed my major. I ended up getting an associates degree in Human Development and Family Studies from Penn State. Now, this isn’t the worst thing ever. I finished. I got a degree. Now I was ready for the world right? Wrong. In the back of my mind nursing was always there like a haunting soul. It’s always been my dream and now at 24 I am here trying to pursue it. I do think I could have done it at eighteen, but to be honest with you I am much more focused and mature now so I am more than ready.

When I start thinking about goals and things I want to accomplish it gets a little scary. Like anyone I am sure I start to doubt myself. The first question that always comes to mind is “Can I do this?” I simply started telling myself yes. It may not look perfect and it may not be completed by tomorrow but you CAN do it. You actually can do anything that you set your mind to do. It also helps that over the years I have gotten rid of a lot of dead weight. The people that I spend my time with are the most supportive caring people I know. I tell them any one of my crazy goals and the first response from any of them is “I know you can do it.” It helps to believe in yourself but it really helps to have others around you that do also. I don’t have the people looking at me when I am experiencing self doubt and agreeing. I have people standing there with me ready to fight that self doubt away.

I am more focused than ever now. I have narrowed my goals down to the most important ones, and have listed them like that. I hope I can come back to this post and cross off every single one of them.

Goals

1. Become a Registered Nurse
2. Move to Columbus, OH or somewhere far away from Mercer County
3. Set and Crush all fitness related goals
4. Make a positive impact on at least one person every month
5. Have a meaningful relationship with God
6. SELF LOVE
7. Live a life full of positivity and meaningful interactions
8. Get so fit that some type of fitness brand wants to sponsor me

Those are the eight that I have come up with so far. I am sure I will have more to add or even tweak the ones I already have a bit to match what actually happens in reality. I am excited to have a place where I can go and share my thoughts, goals, and dreams. I am excited to share with you all as I begin to take on numbers one through eight as hard as I can.

Thanks for reading and sharing in my journey

Love always,

Kathryn

Yes, ladies and gents I myself am on a fitness journey. Now, much like everyone else I have been on and off this journey about 1,000 times in the last three years. However, this time around I am three months in and still going strong… well most days. Back story I am a human and I am not perfect. I eat things I know I shouldn’t and hate myself afterwards, but I also have my really good days.

I started working out because I decided one day that I hated my body. This I learned along the way is a TERRIBLE way to motivate yourself. Truth is losing weight, and building muscle actually doesn’t happen over night like some of these commercials make it seem. It takes time, discipline, consistency, and about a million other things. I started this leg of my journey on May 13th of this year seven days after my 24th birthday. Now, when I started this time I had already been on and off so I was nowhere near my heaviest, which was about 185 – 190 pounds. I have tried a million times to find pictures of myself at this weight and they are non existent. Probably because I was also the most unhappy I had every been at that point in my life and it honestly had nothing to do with what I weighed. The weight that I put on during that time came from me eating my feelings. If we go back a little further on the timeline I weighed about 107 pounds when I graduated from high school. I was active, I played sports, and I understood what nutrition was. Then I graduated and stopped all of that stuff and just started eating every single negative feeling I had.

Life eventually went on and I found myself happier but still not caring about my body at all. Then I met my best friend and she was super fit and worked out everyday and I truly looked up to her for it. She took care of herself in every way possible and working out became another thing that we enjoyed doing together. Well, long story short we both fell of the workout train together also.

A few months ago I was like wow, 24 huh?! In the grand scheme of things I understand this is not considered “old” but lord did it feel like it. I needed a change. I started running something I had never done before even when I was working out in the past cardio was not a thing I did often. I ran almost every day, my legs were sore, it was hot, and sometimes it even rained. The way I started feeling mentally is what kept me going physically. I choose to run in the morning 90% of the time the days that I don’t I can definitely feel the shift in my mood. Waking up and hitting the road while everyone else is still sleeping gives me such a free feeling. I come home and before work even starts I got my workout for the day in. I head into work feelings inspired and ready to take on the day. When I choose to wake up twenty minuets before I have to clock in the day has a whole different vibe. Running is my therapy. No matter what is going on in my life I have realized that I can simply run it out. Now, obviously it’s not always that simple I mean its life come on now. Running has helped me feel good about myself, and in doing that it has changed the way I deal with others also.

I still lift. Not as much as I should but its also something I enjoy. Anything that keeps me busy is something I like to do. Now, this is no way intended to be a body shaming post. I am in no way shape or form saying that people who don’t workout aren’t mentally stable. Everyone has their own way of coping and believe me I tried a lot of them. Working out just happens to help me and kills two birds with one stone.

I ran one 5k this summer and took first in my age group. Also did a muddy princess with a group of my girls and it was such an amazing experience and I am looking forward to doing more things like this.

One thing I learned is the fitness world is a big place. It is super easy to connect with people all over the world who are into the same thing you are. I usually steal all my workouts from watching clips on IG of girls who know what they are doing and then I try my best to copy them. If you are interested in starting a journey but don’t know how its okay really I had zero idea when I started. There is so much information about everything on the internet these days just start. My weight goes up and down. Some days my workout is great, I drink my whole gallon of water, and my macros are perfect. (If you don’t know what macros are it’s okay I can link you to some fool proof websites that’s how I learned.) Other days I lay in bed all day, get up and go to work, then stop for ice cream, and find myself back in bed. The point I am trying to make is they call it a journey for a reason. It’s not meant to be perfect, fool proof, and simple. It truly will help shape you as a person, and probably give you a new outlook on life and yourself. If you are thinking about trying it then just start somewhere. Walk for 20 minuets a day, or take the stairs at the office instead of the elevator. Little things can result in big changes.

I am going to share my progress pictures thus far. Like I stated before I am just over three months in, so what I’m going to share is my three months progress pictures. They are not always the easiest things to look at BUT they are good reminders of where I started. They have helped me continue going when I want to quit more than once. I know… I just talked about how amazing this journey has made me feel and yet there are days that I just want to quit. It’s the truth and that’s what I am here to share.

I hope you enjoy.

As always thank you for reading, and being a part of my journey.

peace and love,

Kathryn

What exactly is the “G” word? Are you brave enough to say it, to talk about it, to be saved by it? How did you grow up? Did you live in a house where church every Sunday was mandatory, or did you discover God at a later date? I am going to tell you a little bit about my story with God.

When I was younger I went to church with Grandma every single Sunday. I went to Sunday school, bible camp, bible study, even participated in the plays that were put on around the holidays. I started to grow up and church became a thing that was not important to me anymore. I had sleepovers to attend, and sleep to catch up on. Events started happening in my life and I could not comprehend how God could be real and this stuff could happen so I decided that God wasn’t real. I stopped going to church I stopped believing in God. I cut it all off.

This went on for a good 7 or 8 years. Then I fell into a family who followed God like no other. I started going back to church and even got baptized. I started reading the bible, praying, and attended church when I wasn’t working. Here is what I learned from going to church and not going to church. When you don’t have a greater power to follow it is so easy to go down a bad path. When there is nobody to answer to and nothing to believe in what are you living for? The answer is pretty much nothing. When you don’t have a set of guidelines to follow you begin to do whatever you want. When I got back into church I felt something greater than me again. I began to believe in something greater than myself and my life started to follow. Blessings started coming and I truly became a better person when faith came back.

I will never be a perfect person, I will never not make mistakes but I will continue to follow God. I will continue to have faith in his plan for me and continue to try my hardest to carry out the plans he has for me. I am not sitting here saying that you have to believe in God. Any religion is a good one to me. Anything that gives you something bigger to believe in. Something to follow and give you a reason to continue on even in the darkest times. Keep going. God loved each and every one of us exactly how we are made.

I pray that everyone finds God and raises their children to believe in God. I hope  and pray that this world continues to find a greater purpose and understands that God has the answers.

God Bless.

As always thank you for following my journey.

Peace & Love,

Kathryn

Such a negative word. Something that none of us truly want to think of but yet so many of us deal with the feeling of abandonment every single day. Some of us are afraid of talking about the word in fear of being connected with the negative side of things. What if we try to speak our truth and we end up looking like this house does to people. I cannot stress how important it becomes to be authentic with the people around you. If you start to notice that people don’t accept your truth that is OKAY, I promise you there are people out there that will.

This word began having a meaning in my life at a very young age. I always knew something was missing but I had people that seemed like they loved me all around so I never thought anything of it. I was about ten years old when my mom finally sat down and told me about my “sperm donor” my biological father who apparently never wanted to see my face. The story I got was my mom told him she as pregnant at 19 and he said get an abortion or he was done. Well, I am sitting here typing this so obviously the abortion was not the option my mother took. She had me and he never saw me, spoke to me, or offered to help. My mom did it on her own and for this she always had a chip on her shoulder when it came to me.

My mother married my step dad when I was 6. Before then I was to young to understand that this wasn’t my real dad. He was a father figure and he was the only one I knew thus far. At first everything was pretty smooth. It was hard as man to come into a relationship and start to raise a six year old girl who never knew what a father figure was.  Everyone got along well we went on camping trips and other things. Then my mother told me she as pregnant. My first sister was born. Then again two years later another sister came. This was hard on my mother because this was he last kid and she hoped for a boy. I was about fourteen at this time and looking back now this is when I started to notice the changes. My mom got closer to my friends and significant others than she was to me. She was always deeply involved in my life throughout high school as more of a friend. My mother started to have some health issues and instead of taking care of herself she turned to alcohol.

Now, this isn’t a post about how perfect I am and how everyone else in the world is evil this is just an insight on how I feel things took a turn for the worst. I made mistakes, I wasn’t the perfect kid, and I had an attitude. Now  I never got in trouble in school, I kept good grades, I played sports, I always had a job, and I went on and got a college degree. This was not good enough for anyone unfortunately. I began to make mistakes and date the wrong people, instead of trying to help me out of the hole I was digging myself my entire family turned their backs on me. Nobody spoke to me. I eventually woke up and understood what was going on and I came back. I started to rebuild the relationships with my family. However, my mother and I never mended things. She was still going through my phone, reading my letters, and going through my drawers at the age of 22. I was more in the “you give respect to get respect” mindset. She was in the “you will respect me not matter what I do, I am the mother” mindset. She continued to drink and became verbally and mentally abusive. Somehow I always ended up being the target. On new years eve it was the last straw. I just got fed up and had enough. She called my phone drunk, and at this time I was living on my own so there was no need to respect any of her rules. She insisted on talking to me so I let her talk, which didn’t turn out to be the best because she said some unforgivable things to me. Now, she of course doesn’t remember any of them but that doesn’t take the sting away. Long story short she wished me dead, talked about how I ruined her life from the moment I was born, and ended the call with a big “Fuck you!” and that was that.  If you ask her it’s my fault and that used to bother me  but now I look at the situation and understand that her actions say more about her than they do me. I am 24 now and honestly in the best part of my life physically and mentally. I have my own job, pay all of my own bills, no drugs or alcohol, and I workout pretty much everyday. I take care of myself the way I longed for someone else to my entire life.

My step dad and I never saw eye to eye. He got his two biological children and they became his world. He wasn’t the worst to me I just really didn’t have a place in the family he had built for himself.

I finally got the guts to reach out to the man that my mother always told me was my biological father just for his wife to tell me he did not know my mother and he “couldn’t make girls.” I mean I guess I don’t blame her a 23 year old women messaging you claiming to be your husbands long lost daughter… kind of a shock. She continues to follow me on social media but has never been willing to go through with a DNA test. They now live in Florida are married and have three handsome boys, so I guess in the long I probably don’t fit in there either.

Don’t worry the story gets better just had to get all the back story out first. I used to think that if I didn’t fit in with my blood relatives that I was doomed for life. However, I have made my own family. I have a small group of friends and their family’s all accept me for who I am. I have my boyfriends amazing family who loves me like I am their own. I have my work family. Most of all I have myself. The real me. Not the person who has to pretend to be any more or any less of something just to fit in with the people I share DNA with. I miss them sometimes, I wish it could be different always but I understand now the importance of healing yourself before your ready to heal others. I pray everyday for  my mothers healing. I hope one day we can have a relationship but I also am mature enough to understand that right now it is a toxic relationship and it is one that needs to be cut off for the time being. Now that’s not to say she feels the same way, I have been told by many sources that she old claims her two daughters and that’s okay too. I pray that they are happy and have joyful lives everyday. I don’t wish any harm upon them it’s just not my fit right now. Nothing is forever.

This is for anyone out here who feels like they don’t fit in with the people who are supposed to love them the most. This is for the people who feel like a failure because their parents refuse to say good job, or I love you. This is for the people who stopped expressing themselves, loving who they wanted to love, or chasing dreams because they had family members saying they couldn’t instead of being encouraging. This is for my people, the people like me I promise you that there is a family out there who is going to love and support you for exactly who you are no matter what. Who understands that nobody is perfect, everyone bumps their head eventually, love it love, and skin color is not something to miss out on amazing people for. This is for you. The you that is struggling to find your place there is one out there for you. Keep being you. The people who are your people will find you.

God is good, always.

Thank you for sharing in my journey.

Abounded doesn’t equal ugly.

Yours forever,

Kathryn

I know you all probably read the title to this post and had a thought along the lines of “This chick is off her rocker.” Which might be true but hear me out. I am typing this post from the waiting room of the ICU. My boyfriends uncle is in bad shape so this is where our days will be spent for the time being.

To me there are two types of deaths, sudden death and expected death. I believe that both of these deaths are hard and heartbreaking. Nobody wants to lose anybody forever. Sudden death to me is things like over doses, shootings, car crashes, and other things. Sudden death is a death that takes away young people that nobody is expecting. The type of death that your phone rings and of course you answer but when you hang up you are forever changed. Expected death to me are times that your grandmother has been fighting cancer, or your 90 year old aunt is sitting in a nursing home. Neither of these deaths are easy and I truly don’t think any death can happen and it not change you however; The tragic, sudden, gut wrenching deaths are what I am here to talk about today.

Today marks the three year anniversary of the first tragic death I had to endure. I remember it like it was yesterday August, 19th 2015 I receive a phone call from my good friend when I answered the phone call went a little something like this.

Her: “Hey, DerSean is dead.”

Me: “What? DerSean who?”

Her: “Alberty, he was shot in Pittsburgh.”

Me: “No way, they must have the wrong person let me call you back.”

At this point I had no idea what was going on or what happened so of course I go to social media. The first headline I see is “Sharpsville man shot to death.” Basically from the story what happened was a robbery gone wrong. He had left his house on a normal day drove over an hour away not knowing that he would never return. Long story made short two men attempted to rob him and he ran when he started to run they shot him eleven times in the back. He died running for his life. At one point of my life I had feelings for this man. We dated, and spent a lot of time together.We were young, in high school, and thought the world was ours forever. I let my family come in between us however we always remained friends. He was one of those people that you could do that with. He had a big heart and would do anything for anyone. He took care of his family, his girlfriend, and his daughter. His death hit everyone to the core. They finally sentenced the two men that took his life a few months ago but the relief that was felt wasn’t the relief that was expected. Now we sit here and wonder why people think it’s their right to take another mans life. Now there is a little girl living without her daddy, a mom without her son, and so many people without their friend. The only peace I have is that he has escaped this cruel world and is living his best life in heaven or whatever you believe. I just hope that he can see his daughter grow and accomplish things she is so beautiful and  I know he would be proud. Nothing will bring him back but everyday we try living life for him.

The second death was more recent and it hurt more than anything.  My dear friend Steven passed away this June and that call was so much shock that I didn’t even feel the hit at first. My very best friend called me and said “did you see Steven died?” Now immediately we went into a conversation about how this couldn’t possibly be true and for anyone that knew Steven he was dramatic and extra every single day of his life. We were over here waiting for him to text or call one of us and say something like “got ya bitches” Or something else crazy. He never did though. He was really gone. This was the type of friend that I called whenever life was less than perfect. We went on day trips to Geneva on the lake, he helped me pack and unpack my stuff when I was having boy problems. Steven helped me fix so many problems and I tried to do the same for him. Steven and I kept so many of each others secrets and we never told a soul. Steven was the type of friend that everyone wanted to have. He was always happy, always helping people, and he was the life of the party. Steven struggled with his own mental health, self identity and drug use. Nobody ever thought Stevie would be taken away from us so soon and his funeral was the hardest one I have had to attend. He looked peaceful and he looked happy. Which sounds odd but man I have ever seen him more at peace with himself than he did at that point. His heart stopped at 22 years old. Cardiac arrest they called it. However, we all know that 22 year old don’t just have hearts that stop, organs that stop, and life that just end. Steven had some dark secrets and that’s okay because I will always remember him as one of the most amazing people I have ever met. I pray he rest in peace. I pray that he found the peace he was always looking for. I pray that he will always send me signs that he is still with me. I know he has a lot of people to watch over but I pray he helps me through the rest of life, because it’s hard without him.

Death is always a hard thing to handle no matter what. At 24 years old I have experienced more of it than I ever thought possible. Everyday I try to live for the people who never got the chance to see tomorrow. These people may be gone but I will forever hold them in my heart.

Thank you for reading and sharing in my journey.

Hello all my fellow bloggers, let me be the first to say I am so happy to be here with you. I have been looking for an outlet for all my thoughts and social media is just not cutting it anymore. I am 24 years old. I love to workout, help people, and share my ideas about both. I work in a pharmacy but my real love is for helping others.  People keep saying “you should totally start a blog” so here I am starting a blog! Exciting stuff right?! Before I dive into my deep dark secrets I figured I will first start by answering 20 questions so you can all get to know me a little better. Then I will be ready to get into the juicy stuff. Enjoy!

What are you the most proud of?   – The thing that I am most proud of is my ability to continue pushing on through every day life and keep a relatively positive outlook regardless of the hardships that are put in front of me.

What are you the most ashamed of? – Ashamed is kind of a harsh word to describe the way I feel about it, but the way I let people walk all over me is kind of embarrassing to me only because other people view me as strong, but there are certain people that I still continue to let disrespect and use me.

If you could go back and change one decision in your life, what would it be? – When I was 18 years old I let people talk to me out of pursuing my dream of going to nursing school, so now at 24 I am trying to go. I got a different degree but it never satisfied me. I would not have listened to those people. I would have just went for my dream then.

What is your biggest dream in life? – My biggest dream in life is to have a healthy, balanced, successful life. I dream of being a great wife, mother, and friend. However; I also dream of being successful in  my career, health journey, and writing.

What difference would it make in your life if you felt completely safe, accepted, and loved? – It would help with the insecurities I carry in my heart everyday.

Do you think your parents did a good job raising you while you were growing up? Why or why not? – My mother had me when she was young. Looking back on it now she probably did the best that she could. I never met my biological father. My mom married my step dad when I was about six, we never really connected. Now, I don’t speak to any of the people that are in the equation of “parents” and it’s honestly better that way.  They actually don’t even claim that I am a living breathing human being so I guess this question is kind of invalid. If they don’t claim me as their child does how they raised me even count. Thank God for grandparents!

What’s one thing that you wish people understood about you? – I wish people understood that my intentions are always pure. Sometimes my emotions take over me and things may not always come out perfectly, but if I am offering you help or advice it honestly always comes from the most pure part of my heart.

What is your biggest flaw? – I care what people who don’t matter thing. Now, when I say don’t matter I am referring to the people that are outside of my direct circle. I let people who don’t even talk to me everyday affect how I view myself. Something I truly have been working on lately.

What event in your life has shaped you most as as person, and how did it do so? –  Death. Not just one death. Multiple tragic deaths. Family members, very close friends, people I once loved, people I share so many memories with, and those who are gone way to soon. First it gave me the mindset that you only live once so you should live everyday like it’s your last. Then I buried one of my very best friends and now life just scares me. Not knowing when your last day is here, not knowing when the last time your going to talk to someone may be, and the uncertainty of life. I am more safe and paranoid now then i ever have been.

Have you ever treated a person in a way that you regret? What would you do differently if given a chance? – I have treated a few people in a way that I regret. Nothing to serious but when I was in dark places in my life I was dark to a few people especially my grandmother and I wish everyday I could take it back. I didn’t do anything terrible I was just mean in my words and actions the way I spoke to people was terrible.

Do you think it is possible for mean and women to be “just friends”? – To a certain point. I think once you engage in any sexual activities someone at some point is going to have feelings for the other one. Maybe it is possible this isn’t a close minded definite opinion I have it’s just what I have witnessed that makes me think this way.

Would you rather be rich and lonely or financially destitute with lots of great family and friends? Why? – Financially destitute with family and friends. When I was younger I was in a situation with people who had lots of money, and they were some of the most miserable people I knew. Money cannot make you happy. Feeling the love and joy with your family and friends as your making memories that’s where the happiness really is.

What do you want people to say at your funeral? – I hope and pray that people talk about how much I helped people, how genuine of a person I was, and how positive I was.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and why? – I would have the ability to stop seeing the good in all people and be able to distinguish between good and bad people. I tend to give people to many chances which only ends up with me getting my feelings hurt.

If you knew you would die tomorrow how would you spend today? – I would spend it enjoying my favorite meals, with my favorite people. Soaking up all the laughs and smiles I could possibly get.

Are you truly happy? Why or why not? No, I am nowhere near where I hoped I would be when I turned 24 and that makes me really unhappy with myself.

Have you ever been in love? How do you know, and what was it like for you? Yes, I am in love right now and it’s pretty amazing. I know because he is my best friend, my go to for everything, my rock, and my life partner. Nobody makes me laugh the way he does. Nobody gets me the way he does. Just honestly feels like we were made for each other.

If money were not an issue how would you spend your time each day? – I would wake up and workout, eat a great breakfast made by my personal chef. Go to work as a doctor and help all of the cancer patients with my new found cure in the hospital I own. Go home to my husband and my children and eat the dinner our chef prepared. Then we would have family movie night every single night. Bonding time.

Do you think you are a genuinely good person? Why or why not? – I do. I think that because I care about people. I try to help every person I come across. I don’t lie or cheat. I work to make an honest living. I try to spread kindness and positive vibes no matter where I am. I love the people I love with my entire heart. I would do anything for anyone even those who have crossed me if I thought it was going to better their life.

When you are home alone and nobody else is around, how do you like to spend your time? – I read a lot of books. Or if I am feeling energized I dance around the whole house with my headphones in.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton